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Flavors of entanglement

Citizen of The Planet
Underneath
Straitjacket
Versions of Violence
Not as we
In Praise of The Vulnerable Man
Moratorium
Torch
Giggling Again For No Reason
Tapes
Incomplete

Orchid
The Guy Who Leaves
Madness
Limbo No More
On The Tequila

It's a Bitch to Grow up
20/20

Break

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Citizen of the planet

I start up in the north I grow from special seed
I sprinkle it with sensibility
from French and Hungarian snow
I linger in the sprouting until my engine's full

Then I move across the sea
To European bliss
To language of poets
As I cut the cord of home
I kiss my mother's mother
look to the horizon

wide eyed, new ground
humbled by my new surroundings

I am a citizen of the planet
My president is kwan yin
My frontier is on an airplane
my prisons: homes for rehabilitating

Then I fly back to my nest, I fly back with my nuclear but everything is different

So I wait, my yearn for home is broadened, patriotism expanded by callings from beyond

So I pack my things nothing precious all things sacred

I am a citizen of the planet
My laws are all of attraction
My punishments are consequences
Separating from source the original sin

I am a citizen of the planet
democracy's kids are sovereign
Where the teachers are the sages
And pedestals fill with every parent

And so, the next few years are blurry, the next decade's a flurry of smells and tastes unknown
Threads sewn straight through this fabric through fields of every color one culture to another

I come alive and I get giddy I am taken and globally naturalized

I am a citizen of the planet
From simple roots through high vision
I am guarded by the angels
My body guides the direction I go in

I am a citizen of the planet
My favorite pastime edge stretching
Besotten with human condition
these ideals are borne from my deepest within

















 Underneath

 Look at us in this kitchen
Look at us rallying all our defenses
Look at us waging war in our bedroom
Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues

There is no difference
In what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as big as it does out there
So why spend all our time undressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause
right here all underneath.

Look at us form our cliques in our sandbox
Look at us being cruel kids with both our hearts blocked
Look at us turn away from all the rough spots
Look at dictatorship on my own block

There is no difference
In what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as big as it does out there
So why spend all our time undressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause
right here all underneath.

How I've spun my wheels
With carts before my horse
And shine on the outside springs from gloom
Spotlight on these? seeds of simpler reasons
And score bourne into corn, stretching my limit

There is no difference
In what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as big as it does out there
So why spend all our time undressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause
right here all underneath.














Straitjacket

Something so benign for construed as cruelty
Such a difference between who I am and who you see

Conclusions you come to of me routinely incorrect
I don’t know who you’re talking to with such fucking disrespect

This shit’s making me crazy
The way you nullify what’s in my head
You say one thing do another
And argue that’s not what you did
Your way’s making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you won’t be happy til
I am bound in a straitjacket

Talking with you’s like talking to a sieve that can’t hear me
You fight me tooth and nail to disavow what’s happening

Your resistance to a mirror I feel screaming from your body
One day I’ll introduce myself and you’ll see you’ve not yet met me

This shit’s making me crazy
The way you nullify what’s in my head
You say one thing do another
And argue that’s not what you did
Your way’s making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you won’t be happy til
I am bound in a straitjacket

Grand dissonance
The strings of my puppet are cut
The end of an era
Your discrediting’s lost my consent

This shit’s making me crazy
The way you nullify what’s in my head
You say one thing do another
And argue that’s not what you did
Your way’s making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you won’t be happy til
I am bound in a straitjacket















Versions of violence

Coercong or leaving
Shutting down and punishing
Running from room, defending
withholding, justifying

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

Diagnosing, analysing
Unsollicited advice
Explaining and controlling,
Judging opining and meddling

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

This labelling
This pointing
this sensitive's unraveling
This string I've been ignoring
I feel it way down way down

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared




















Not as we

 Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure, unkind, insane
This faint and shaken hour

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Gun-shy and shivering
Tear it without a hand
Feign brave but still intent
Little and hardly here

Day one, day one
Start over again

Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Eyes wet,
Toward wide open freight
If God is taking bias,
I pray he wants to lose

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

















In Praise of the Vulnerable Man

You are the bravest man I’ve ever met
You unreluctant at treacherous ledge

You are the sexiest man I’ve ever been with
You, never hotter than with armor spent

When you do what you do to provide
How you land in the soft as you fortify

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home

You, with your eyes mix strength with abandon
You with your new kind of heroism

And I bow and I bow down to you
To the grace that it takes to melt on through

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

You are the greatest man I’ve ever met
You the stealth setter of new precedents

And I vow and I vow to be true
And I vow and I vow to not take advantage

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man


















Moratorium

I've never been this accountable-less and within
I've nver known focuslessness on any form

I've never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let god in ways I have never even imagined

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

Ah to breathe
Stop looking outside
stop searching in corners of rooms
Not my business or timing
Ahh

I've never known freedom from intertwining
I start again this time for keeps in my skin I'm residing

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment















Torch

I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding way
Miss your approach to life and your body in my bed
Miss your take on anything and the music you would play
Miss cracking up and wrestling and our debriefs at end of day

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

I miss your neck and your gait and your sharing what you write
Miss you walking through the front door documentaries in your hand
Miss traveling our traveling and your fun and charming friends
Miss our big sur getaways
And to watch you love my dogs

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

One step one prayer I soldier on, simulating moving on

I miss your warmth and the thought of us bringing up our kids
And the part of you that walks with your stick-tied handkerchief

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this


















Giggling Again for no Reason

I am driving in my car up highway one
I left LA without telling anyone
There were people who needed something from me
But I am sure they’ll get along fine on their own

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And I’m giggling again for no reason

I am dancing with my friends in elation
We’ve taken adventures to new levels of fun
I can feel the bones are smiling in my body
I can see the meltings of inhibition

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And I’m giggling again for no reason

I’m reeling jubilation
Triumphant in delight
I am at home in this high five
And I’m smiling for no reason

I am sitting at the set of cali sun
We’ve gotten quiet for its’ last precious seconds
I can feel the salt of the sea on my skin
And we still hear the echoes of abandon

Oh this state of ecstasy















Tapes

"I am someone easy to leave"
"Even easier to forget"
a voice, if innacurate

Again : "I'm the one they all run from"
diatribes of clouded sun
someone help me find the pause button

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
wreaking havoc

"I'm too exhausting to be loved"
"a volatile chemical"
"best to quarantine and cut off"

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own breaking havoc

"I'm but thorn in your sweet side"
"You are better off without me"
"It'd be best to leave at once"

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
wreaking havoc



















Incomplete

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived and I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends

One day I'll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt

One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

One day, my mind will retreat, and I'll know god and I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure, like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done

One day, I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete













Orchid

Me and my helmet
Such an unconventional kid
All intense and kinetic
At best tolerated from afar

Not yet arrested
And by that I mean betrothed
Though a start I am newly courted
I've just not been trusted with alters

I'm a sweet piece of work
Well-intentioned, yet disturbed
Wrongly labeled and under-fed
Treated like a rose as an orchid

My friends, as they weigh in
Get understandably protective
They have a hard time being objective
So inside we cancel each other out

I'm a sweet piece of work
Well-intentioned and unloved
Unlabeled and misunderstood
Treated like a rose as an orchid

You've brought water to me
Making sure my bloom rebounds
You know best of what my special care allows

So I've lived in my blind spot
Thought myself usual when I'm not
And your garden is a nice spot
As long as it is brave and where you are

For this sweet piece of work
High maintenance and deserted
I've been different and deserving
Treated like a rose as an orchid

Sweet piece of work
Overwhelmed, unobserved
I've been bowed down to, but so misread
Treated like a rose as an orchid

















The Guy Who Leaves

Get up
Don't get up
I beg you to sit tight

Sweet girl
I'll be a ghost girl
Forget it, I am fine

If anything
A witnessing
Is all I needed that night

Until I get what I'm to get
He'll keep being compelled to flee
Until I out his false story
I'll keep playing the guy who leaves

Brother,
Oh, brother
Solo you did bust out

All I knew was
You didn't invite me
So begins the self-doubt

There is nothing
As harrowing
As how I translate facts

Until I get what I'm to get
He'll keep being compelled to flee
Until I out his false story
I'll keep playing the guy who leaves

Baby
Oh, partner
How well you've played this part

Similar
Oh, how familiar
Reluctant truth you impart

And how you served
Necesity
Repeat until she sees light

Until I get what I'm to get
He'll keep being compelled to flee
Until I out his false story
I'll keep playing the guy who leaves



















Madness

I've been most unwilling
To see this turmoil of mine
The thought of sitting with this
Has me paralyzed

With this prolonged exposure
To near and averted eyes
I think that I've been waiting
Such mileage for empathizing

Now I see the madness in me
Is brought out in the presence of you
Now I know the madness lives on
When you're not in the room
Though I'd love to blame you for all
I'd miss these moments of opportune
You simply brought this madness to light
And I should thank you

Oh, thank you
Much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh, thank you
For your most generous triggers

It's been all too easy
To cross my arms and roll my eyes
The thought of dropping all arms
Leaves me terrified

And now I see the madness in me
Is brought out in the presence of you
Now I know the madness lives on
When you're not in the room
Though I'd love to blame you for all
I'd miss these moments of opportune
You simply brought this madness to light
And I should thank you

Oh, thank you
Much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh, thank you
For your most generous triggers

I'd have to give up knowing
And give up being right
You, inadvertent hero
You, angel in disguise

And now I see the madness in me
Is brought out in the presence of you
And now I know the madness lives on
When you're not in the room
And though I'd love to blame you for all
I'd miss these moments of opportune
You simply brought this madness to light
And I should thank you

Oh, thank you
Much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh, thank you
For your most generous triggers






















Limbo No More

My house, my role
My friends, my man
My devotion to God
All amorphous, indefinit

Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in
Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been 'yes'
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more

My taste, my peers
My identity
My affiliation
All amorphous, indefinit

Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in
Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been 'yes'
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more

I sit with filled frames
And my books and my dogs at my feet
My friends by my side
My past in a heap
Thrown out most of my things
Only kept what I need to carve
Something consistent
And notably me

Tattoo on my skin
My teacher's in heart
My house is a home
Something at last I can feel a part of
A sense of myself
My purpose is clear
My roots in the ground
Something at last I can feel a part of

Something aligned
To finally commit
Somewhere I belong
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more
My wisdom applied
A firm foundation
A vow to myself
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more





















On The Tequila

Bring on the Tequila oh
On fire on Tequila oh

My friends and I meet hours before
We make some home made pizza
We do some funny bits back and forth
My knees buckle I laugh so hard

We might end three sheets to wind
And who knows where we'll wind up
All I know is there’s a car waiting
And we’ll figure that out after

I have to keep my eye on my old friend from high school
We’ve known each other for the longest time
She has trouble with her dance so to speak
She can hoist a really good kick in the butt when she's excited
She doesn’t do it so much anymore
'Cuz we’re all on to her

Bring on the Tequila oh
On fire on Tequila oh
Mostest most on Tequila oh
Bestest friends on Tequila oh

Then there’s my other pretty friend from high school
The predator in me is put to shame by the predator in her
and now i've reeled it in
It’ll be interesting to see how much she’s done as well

Then there’s my friend from Chigago
God do I love all people from Chicago
All ready to light up the barbeque
And be harping on debauchery

Bring on the Tequila oh
On fire on Tequila oh
Mostest most on Tequila oh
Bestest friends on Tequila oh

Then there’s my Canadian friend
What a fabulous mom she’s become
She’s been tortured in this sense
for the last many of months for obvious reasons

She was like "hey where was this part of you when I wasn’t pregnant"
I laughed and did a shot in her honor
As I conversed with her belly

Bring on the Tequila oh
On fire on Tequila oh
Mostest most on Tequila oh
Bestest friends on Tequila oh

Then there’s my Cupid friend
She sure knows how to dress that one
She’s a wise and worldly girl
But you gotta watch that medication

My favorite beverage is taken to a whole other level on it
I’m not worried about it or I’ll coast around the room
While I trust she’ll temper

My brother came to visit me
And now he’s used to hanging with me and cracking up
But he had no idea about my built up tolerance
No idea about how manipulative I’ve become
I would seruptitiously put it in front of him without him asking
In a pretty little shot glass
His smirk and cackle would only agg me on

Bring on the Tequila oh
On fire on Tequila oh
Mostest most on Tequila oh
Bestest friends on Tequila oh












It's a Bitch To Grow Up

It’s been ten years of investment
It’s been one foot in and one out
It’s been four days of full of shit
And I feel snuffed out

It’s been 33 years of restraining
Of trying to control this tumult
How I did invest in such fantasy
But my nervous system has won out

I feel done
I feel raked over coals
And all that remains is the case
That it’s a bitch to grow up

I’ve repeated this dance ad nauseam
There’s still something to learn that I’ve not
I totally see this is divine perfection
But my bones don’t feel this perfection

I feel done
I feel raked over coals
And all that remains is the case
That it’s a bitch to grow up

I’ve spent my life hovering above bottom
Thinking I can’t survive what’s below
But I’ve known through the kicking and screaming
That there was no other direction to go

I feel done
I feel raked over coals
And all that remains is the case
That it’s a bitch to grow up











20/20

I would never have been in such a rush
I would never have tried to control
I would never have worn such 'fear lenses'
I would never have held on so tightly

I would have kept my boundaries set
My loving no’s, my unwavering yes’s
Risked abandonment and stood by that
And thereby felt constant connect

This fountain of regret, this looking back with twenty-twenty
Torturous hindsight if i knew then what i know now
This mountain of remorse won’t repeat with my understanding
This wouldn’t have happened if i knew then what i know now

I would’ve gone slower
Pushed infrequent
Would not have rushed into such commitment
I would’ve shown restraint as my feet got wet
I would’ve baby-stepped into intimate

This fountain of regret, this looking back with twenty-twenty
This torturous hindsight if i knew then what i know now
This mountain of remorse won’t repeat with my understanding
This wouldn’t have happened if i knew then what i know now

I would’ve known much more
Known that time was all we had for future depth to unfold
I would’ve had more faith at every step
I would’ve kept intact through the whole process

Oh this fountain of regret is looking back with twenty-twenty
Torturous hindsight if i knew then what i know now
This mountain of remorse won’t repeat with my understanding
This wouldn’t have happened if i knew then what i know

Break

Indeed I have sucked it up to heights
Unknown to those outside
My body has contained and suppressed
And swallowed and abetted
Oh I am a stranger to myself
Beneath altruism dwells
A force uncontended
A voice that is tempered
To boiled and unhindered

Who am I kidding?
I am not some Mother there'sa
If I don't say something soon
I will break from the weight of the high road I take
No

Indeed I need my chance to fail
Some room to unravel
I need a chance to blame for two minutes
Unbridled, unbrazened
So I need imaginings of maiming
Fantasies of outright screaming
I need a chance to thrash for minutes
Uncontained, unforgiving

Who am I kidding?
I am not some Mother there'sa
If I don't do something soon
I will die from restraint
As a sick subjugate
No

I will move beyond, I'm certain of that
The sooner I go the quicker I'll be back
I would not threaten or cause you any harm
Have to get this out or my light will go out

Who am I kidding?
I am not some Mother there'sa
If I don't do something soon
I will die from restraint
As a sick subjugate